Method: Cartouche and Ice Bath

Both the cartouche (shown below) and ice bath (shown above) made a recent appearance in the Pinch kitchen. I venture neither are oft used in a regular household kitchen, and it's true that neither are absolutely necessary. But we're not talking sous vide technology here. Both are pretty simple and can be very helpful to any cook.

If cartouche makes you think of hieroglyphs then bravo, you're very smart. But hold onto your headress. A cartouche used in a kitchen is a moisture and heat control device in the form of a flimsy piece of parchment paper. In other words, a cooking cartouche is a lot more complicated than pharaonic ruins.

I only use a cartouche for one thing anymore- poaching pears (tho have used it for stews and tomatoes). It's an absolute necessity in this preparation. First, pears are delicate (especially nice ripe ones). When you poach them you want them to infuse in the cooking liquid (in this case I was poaching 8-10 very small pears in one cup water, 1/3 cup sugar, 1/2 vanilla bean, three or four cardamom pods, one cinnamon stick and the zest of one orange). If I simply used a standard pot cover the heat inside the pot would've gotten too high; the pears would have cooked too quickly and not held as much flavor. On the other hand, had I left them uncovered, too much moisture would have been lost AND the pears exposed to air (they're not completely covered in the poaching liquid) would have become discolored and ugly.

So now you just need to know HOW TO MAKE a cartouche so you can enjoy Vanilla Poached Pears.

You will need a circle of parchment paper roughly the same size as your pot. This is made most easily by starting with a large square of parchment and folding it in half diagonally. (Click here to read David Lebovitz's Guide to Pear Poaching.) Place your finger in the center of the long side (which would mark the center of the square were it unfolded) and fold the triangle in half again, keeping a note of that spot where the center of the square would be. Fold a few more times until you have a thin pointy piece of folded paper. Then, hold the paper over your pot with that center point in the center of your pot (you're just marking the radius of the pot). Using scissors trim off the excess parchment (the part that extends beyond the sides of the pot). Now you can unfold all that paper - it should be a nice circle - and use it as a lid. It doesn't have to fit perfectly. See how I just pressed a slightly oversized cartouche onto my pears and up the sides of the pot:

Ok, so the ice bath. I employ these when I'm pressed for time, as usually things can just come to room temperature at their leisure. An ice bath is handy lots of times: when you need to blend a sauce or soup but it's still too hot (you cannot do so with hot liquid without scalding yourself and making a colossal mess of your kitchen). And when you're running short on time and your ganache is taking it's time to cool and thicken. And when you forgot to make an ice cream base the night before you plan to serve it. Enter the ice bath.

I used ice bath tonite to cool off my tortilla soup in time for dinner. I usually make the soup early in the day but didn't get to it in time today. I like to puree about half the soup - the corn makes it nice and creamy without adding any fat. (And, as predicted, the addition of farmer's market corn was AMAZING!) I don't care to puree all of it because I like to have the soup to have some texture.

To use an ice bath, all you really need are good nesting bowls. I have the stainless steel variety. I wouldn't bother with melamine for a few reasons, not the least of which include possible chemical leach from a hot soup, but also because a stainless steel bowl will, I think, allow its contents to cool faster than a melamine one.

Anyway, fill the bigger bowl with ice, then nestle the smaller one into the ice. Fill the smaller bowl with whatever needs cooling, then stir every so often until the desired temperature is reached. Note: don't go far if you're cooling ganache - left alone for too long and it'll get so hard you'll need to rewarm it and start over. Ganache cools very quickly on ice.

Making Mole Verde

I know this now: mole just means sauce, or mixture. (So guacamole = avocado mixture.) Previously I thought there was mole*, and it was a brown, chocolaty sauce in which chicken parts were braised. Then I started taking note of the different moles at different establishments. I was eating a fine meal at Chicago's Mixteco Grill recently and everyone's mole was so different - some smoky from the chipotle peppers, some more chocolaty, some sort of vinegary. I had never sampled mole verde, so when the opportunity presented itself to cook it myself I jumped at it.

It was a fun cooking experience. Araceli, a great Mexican cook, and my teacher in this lesson, explained that the mole verde is a great starter mole because it's quicker and easier to make than the others. It wasn't hard, but there were many steps and ingredients that surprised me. Boiling peppers? Pumpkin seeds? LETTUCE?!?

Pollo con Mole Verde
Serves 4

YOU WILL NEED:
Four skinless, boneless chicken breasts
1 cup pepitas (pumpkin seeds, or a jar of Dona Maria Mole Verde - the principal ingredient is pepitas
One onion
One bunch cilantro
Six tomatillos
Three poblano peppers
One jalapeno
One head Romaine hearts (or equivalent)

METHOD
Place in a medium stockpot:
chicken breasts
1/2 onion, peeled and quartered
few springs cilantro
1/2 t salt

Cover with water and bring to a boil. Cover loosely, reduce heat and simmer 45 minutes. Save the cooking broth - you'll use it later. (Alternately, you could marinate and grill the chicken - just have some chicken broth on hand for the mole.)

Meanwhile, cut the poblanos in half and remove seeds and veins. Place in a small saucepan and fill halfway with water. Bring to a boil and simmer 10 minutes.

Now you need pumpkin seeds, or pepitas, to lend the mole it's classic flavor. We used a jarred pepita mole for this, but next time I'd just grind the pepitas myself. They're widely available, so you shouldn't have too much trouble finding them. Just make sure they're green and shelled. Toast them first in the oven or in a pan - just about 5-10 minutes ought to do it - just til they're fragrant. Then let them cool. Grind them up in a blender with a half-cup or so of chicken broth - blend until as smooth as you can get them.

Now you need to blend everything else. You will have to do this in two or three batches. Add to the blender (you can keep the pepitas in):

Poblanos
1/2 jalapeno pepper, seeded
1/4 onion
6 tomatillos, husked and rinsed
bunch cilantro
small head romaine lettuce (or 6-8 big leaves)
2-3 cups chicken broth (cooking broth or other)


Now, heat a small splash of canola oil in a large saucepan. As you blend the batches of veggies, add to the saucepan. It's a beautiful thing. Let it simmer for about 20 minutes. It's gonna make a bit of a mess - it's like a burpy lava pool.


If you're doing this in advance, you can just let the mole sit at this point. When you're ready to serve dinner, add the chicken and reheat (cook some white rice while reheating). Taste for seasoning, too - you will probably want to add a bit more salt.

To serve, simply plate the chicken with a generous scoop of mole verde on top.

* For the record, I did at least know that it's pronounced MO-LAY, unlike my daughter who after seeing on our weekly menu was horrified that we were eating the furry maker of molehills.

On the Menu This Week

I think I'm most looking forward to Crab Cakes on Mixed Greens and Tortilla Soup and Buffalo burgers and Avocado Salad. That's two meals, not one massive one. I like to eat, but I have limits.

Farmer's market corn is still wonderful, so my fresh corn tortilla soup will be great. And I nabbed some terrific looking avocados this weekend at Cermak Market/Fruteria in Wicker Park on the way home from lunch at Borinquen. Avocado salad is a summer thing, big time, and I'm squeezing it in while I still can. Oddly we haven't had buffalo burgers in awhile - and I'm truly looking forward to another. Whole Foods has some sesame seed burger buns I like a lot - made in house.

On Wednesday when we need a quick meal so we'll have Quick Pesto Pizza. I've still not been able to convince Whole Foods that Alvarado Street Bakery's pizza bread should grace their shelves. I've been settling instead for the 365 label whole wheat pizza crust. It's just ok - way better than that icky Boboli, but still not sprouted or protein-rich.

Fish tacos with Guacamole and Pico de Gallo will likely hit our plates on Thursday, assuming I can pick up some nice red snapper that day. To prep the fish I just douse red snapper fillets with fresh lime juice and either salt & pepper or a good blended seasoning (I like Paul Prudhomme's Blackened Redfish Magic for this) and grill it. Serve it up with warmed fresh corn tortillas, guac, pico, and - if you really want to make it AMAZING - mango-jalapeno salsa and chipotle crema. Yum. Spanish rice on the side will round out the plate.

We'll also enjoy Spaghetti and Meatballs, Kung Pao Chicken with Basmati Rice and try out a new dish harvested from the NY Times: Restaurant Pork Chop with Sweet Potato Fries. For the fries, sometimes I cheat and buy the good frozen ones at WF. If not, I trim sweet potatoes into batons, toss with a bit of canola oil and some chili powder and roast for 30 minutes or so at 425. I like to preheat the baking sheet inside the oven so that when the potatoes hit the hot pan they sizzle and sear.

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions. Enjoy your last days of September.

Making Granola Before the Snow Flies

Light granola with coconut, almonds and sunflower seeds

It's fall, which means two things: first, granola; and second, time to get ready for ski season.

It's that time of year. Not by Midwestern standards, of course, but at 10,000 feet (where my mind often wanders) the leaves are golden and flying. And snow is in the forecast later in the week.

Seasons in Telluride are short - well, three of them anyway. Basically there's a long, white, glorious winter. It begins with the first real snow, often in late October, and ends when the ski area closes, usually the first week in April. Spring (beings the day after the ski area closes and ends May 31) is muddy, brown and, to be honest, smelly. Summer (June) is lovely and green with cool nights and some warm days. Not much of what you might call heat, more like heat's distant cousin from the left coast. June is the driest month of the year with the least precipitation. July and August is Monsoon Season. I don't care to speak about that. And fall, when the meadows and Aspen leaves all go from green to amber, is so very lovely and totally fleeting, almost always eclipsed by an early snowfall.

Which is why, come fall, you start outfitting your kids' ski gear. Skis can last a couple of years but bindings need to be adjusted to accommodate bigger boots. Helmets get checked and stickered. (There is NOTHING cooler than a well decorated helmet - I saw a five year old at a Wisconsin ski area last winter sporting a helmet covered in stickers from western ski resorts, but pole position was given to a podunk Midwestern ski hill).

While many western ski resorts open on Thanksgiving, a mere two months away, we've got at least until mid-January before there's enough snow to ski locally. Kids' feet can grow a lot in a season, so I'm holding myself back from outfitting them too soon.

Somehow, making granola helps. Filling the house with the comforting sweet and nutty smell is one of fall's best scents. Today I'm going to make a recipe my sister passed along from Martha Stewart. The first recipe below shows what I added to make it a little heartier. And following THAT is the granola I've been making for nearly 15 years, based on the recipe we used at Cafe Nola.

Light Granola
Print recipe only here

Makes 4 cups
INGREDIENTS
* 2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
* 1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut
* 1/2 cup sliced almonds
* 2 tablespoons flax meal (ground flax seeds)
* 2 tablespoons wheat germ
* 2 tablespoons sunflower seeds
* 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 2 tablespoons honey
* 1 cup dried blueberries, currants, sour cherries or dried fruit of your choice

METHOD
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a mixing bowl, combine oats, coconut, and almonds. In a small bowl, stir together oil and honey. Pour over oat mixture and toss. Bake, tossing occasionally, until lightly toasted, 16 to 20 minutes. Let cool completely.

Place mixture in a large bowl and stir in dried fruit. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 month.


Hearty Granola
Print recipe only here

Makes 6 cups

Preheat oven to 350

Toss together in a large mixing bowl:
4 cups oats
1/2 cup dry milk (Whole Foods offers some organic options)
1/2 cup wheat germ
1/2 t nutmeg
1 t cinnamon
pinch clove
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup sunflower seeds

Combine in a small saucepan over medium heat:
1/2 cup canola oil
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup honey
1 t vanilla extract

Bring the liquids to a brief boil, then immediately pour over the oats. Stir together well. Spread on a baking sheet and bake, turning and shaking/stirring every so often, about 25 minutes, or until nicely golden.

On the Menu this Week

I write my weekly menus on Sundays and get most of my groceries on Mondays. I usually know what day we'll eat what - certain days I don't have as much time to cook, so those nights dinner needs to require less prep time. For example, we don't have a ton of time on Wednesdays, so this week I'll pop a tri-tip steak into a Le Creuset French oven in the morning so that we can have a quick Italian Beef Sandwich that evening. Also Wednesday I'll swing by the Green City Market for Bennison's Ciabatta - definitely the best in Chicago - and more white corn. I made Ina's Fresh Corn Salad today and it was perfect in every way. I can't wait to have it again and there's not going to be many more corn days this fall.

We'll have gyros at the end of the week, when my dad and step-mom are in town - that's a great meal for a crowd. Not a lot of instruction on that one - all I do is roast or grill leg of lamb, make pita bread and taziki sauce and let everyone pile on the fixins (red onion, tomato, cucumber, bell pepper).

I also plan our fish days around shopping days. Assuming it looks good, I'll swing by Whole Foods tomorrow for trout, and again on Thursday for salmon. And if the trout or salmon doesn't look good I'll change the menu to include something different that does.

Pizza is a great weekend meal since it's more labor intensive. I've been experimenting with a lighter crust, which is pushing the limits of my patience a bit. I followed a pizza dough recipe that called for cake flour (at the opposite end of the gluten spectrum from bread flour) but wasn't too impressed. It was impossible to work with and wasn't appreciably lighter in texture than my standard crust.

Here's the whole menu:

• Hometown Trout and Gruyere Potatoes
• Cantonese Pork with Jasmine Rice and Broccoli
• Italian Beef Sandwich and Ina's Fresh Corn Salad
• Asian Grilled Salmon Salad
• Roast Lamb Gyros with Pita Bread, Taziki and Greek Salad
• Taco Party with Spanish Rice, Guacamole and Pico de Gallo
• Pizza Margherita with a Big Salad

On Paper Towels and Patting Dry

I think there's a relationship here.

For years I was irritated by America's liberal use of paper towels. Then I became a parent and dog owner and quickly became a heavy handed user myself. There's nothing quicker and easier to grab when faced with something unsightly. But I'm still stingy with the paper towel for other uses - especially the most-oft ignored cooking method of patting meat dry in advance of browning it. For those of you who missed the Julie/Julia film, there's a scene where Julie is making Julia's boeuf Bourguignon, and (courtesy of Newsday.com, Critiquing 'Julie & Julia' food scenes):

...while she is browning the beef, Adams’ character informs her husband, “If you don’t dry meat, it won’t brown.” (Child’s exact words in her seminal cookbook “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” are “Dry the beef in paper towels; it will not brown if it is damp.”)

It was during this screening of said film that I recognized that my stinginess with paper towels was interfering with the correct browning of meat in my kitchen. Not that I even brown a lot of meat! But sometimes I do and it's never good. There's definitely a relationship there. Surely I would brown more meat if when I browned it I did it right and it tasted good.

Do I need to do this to chicken too? My Kung Pao Chicken recipe calls for patting dry in the method, but I always skip it. Oh, dear.

Got more time to kill? Read about how Meryl Streep was brushed off by Julia Child in this piece from the Telegraph.

Packing a Better Bagged Lunch

Reprinted from the Pinch archives

School lunch is an easy target for gross violation of healthy eating standards. But what about the standard issue bagged lunch? What can parents pack their children that will be nutritious, sustainable, eaten and enjoyed?

Four or five things go into my kids’ lunchboxes:

1. A water bottle. Both kids now have stainless steel water bottles ever since the BPA-leaching hysteria of polycarbonate bottles. In all truth, I think our old Nalgenes are just fine for daily use. The leaching centered over storage which is easily averted by tossing what comes home onto my houseplants. Am I mistaken?

9/2009 Update: Turns out I'm one of the Sigg owners with an older model, BPA-leaching liner. If you missed this bru-ha-ha, read this from the Tribune: SIGG CEO confirms BPA in metal water bottles' liners. Meanwhile, my daughters are back to toting Nalgenes. Oy.

2. A main course. This is usually a sandwich of sorts. I got my kids eating sprouted wheat bread when they first cut teeth so it's never been a source of complaint for them. And at 5 grams of protein per slice, a very nourishing lunch staple. On especially cold days they might take a thermos with pasta and some roasted chicken. I'd like to get them enjoying soups but they still don't. Other options are yogurt or a Caesar salad, with cut romaine in a container along with some Parmesan and slices of chicken breast, and a separate mini Tupperware pot of dressing and often croutons because, COME ON!! You gotta have croutons!

3. Fruit. It's often a whole pear or apple. Sometimes I cut up either one put it in a mini Tupperware container and sprinkle it with cinnamon sugar. Other times it's applesauce. My oldest loves cinnamon on her applesauce so I found her a little covered shaker at a camping supplies store and filled it with cinnamon.

4. Vegetable. Carrots. I'm not very ambitious here. Carrots get eaten and other stuff doesn't.

5. A treat. The treat doesn't go in every day but when it does it's either a couple of Hershey kisses, a few cookies (something from Whole Foods), a child-sized handful of chips, or a freshly baked cookie, straight from the toaster oven. Consider reducing waste by not buying individually packaged items. The packaging you employ will be far less that what's produced commercially.

Details please:
Waxed paper bags are available at Whole Foods and are good for sandwiches, cookies, chips. I admit to using the snack sized Ziploc bags for carrots. I could improve lunchbox sustainability by using containers or being better about reusing those plastic bags. (9/2009 Update: we're lots better about reusing the small plastic snack bags, but I still use the waxed bags for most things.)

I buy sprouted sandwich bread at Trader Joe's. I also really like the Alvarado Street sandwich bread available in the freezer at Whole Foods.

What do you pack in your children's lunchboxes that they enjoy?

Salad Dressing vs. Cruet

Let's get something straight, right from the start. By SALAD DRESSING I mean something you make yourself by combining oil, acid and desired flavors, not something you buy at the store.

I make salad dressing - a few different kinds: caesar, a spicy garlic one I serve on baby spinach, and my house standard. When I was a kid, we only used oil and vinegar, self-service. I always knew our cruet tradition was a result of the years my dad spent in Rome. But it wasn't a tradition I continued in my own kitchen. And while I enjoyed the break from dressing this summer (and noted the profusion of cruet caddies across Italy) I'm sticking to my dressing- making custom. But I have a new favorite, inspired by our balsamic-laced late evening Italian dinners. And this is it:

Balsamico
5 T extra virgin olive oil
2-3 T balsamic vinegar (I like Colavita for a supermarket standard)
2-3 super-thin slices red onion, chopped a bit
pinch kosher salt
pinch sugar
Few turns ground pepper

Mix together and toss with a few big handfuls of your favorite lettuces and wedges of a nice ripe tomato. Serve immediately.

I mentioned the Colavita, which I really do find to be a good, flavorful value vinegar. I dropped some dough on a fine balsamic this summer, but have yet to crack the seal. Any of you ever scope the balsamic under lock and key at Zingerman's in Ann Arbor? If you have a favorite balsamic I'd love to hear about it.

High cloud. No Rain. Two hot salsas.

I painted my stairs AND made cinnamon ice cream and baked Meredith's friendship cake and two (two!) salsas. There's even a bit of sunshine. Not too shabby. And it's not even 3pm. I wish I were this productive every day.

The salsas are Hot and Hotter. I was intending to make a salsa verde, and did - it's milder than the more colorful salsa in the shorter container on the right. But it's still got some heat. I followed basic guidelines from Rick Bayless and:

Blistered/Broiled 10 tomatillos
Pan roasted 2 serranos and 2 jalapenos and 2 cloves of garlic

When cooled, I pulsed it all together in the Cuisinart with about a quarter cup of water (add slowly, just until you get the right consistency). After than, transfer it to a mixing bowl and I add a teaspoon each of kosher salt and sugar and about 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro and half an onion, finely chopped (which RB recommended rinsing after chopping, so I did that too). It's quite good.

Now the other one - this is for those of you who really, really like it hot. You know who you are! I used 5-6 each of the following: banana peppers, jalapenos, and red chilis (I don't know exactly WHAT KIND of red chilis and forgot to take a before picture. Mybad.) Followed RB again, and just pulsed everything with the juice of half a lime and some salt. Peppers abound at the farmer's markets right now, so plan on doing this soon if you plan to do it at all.

Ice cream, not just a summertime treat

I mentioned the horrible Chicago summer, right? Well, today, mid-Labor Day Weekend, it is going to rain. And I was going to paint my front stairs!

Instead, I will be installed in my kitchen. I'm making salsa verde (roasting tomatillos and various peppers harvested from my neighbor's CSA delivery) and cinnamon ice cream to bring to a rainy BBQ. Both are going to be supergood. I made David Lebovitz's wonderful Chocolate Sherbet the other day, and the mood strikes to make use of my ice cream freezer again. If you choose to make the chocolate sherbet I recommend only doing so with the finest cocoa and chocolate on hand. Oh, and I used nonfat milk since it was an option and was very pleased with the result.

But back to today...Cinnamon happens to be my daughters' favorite ice cream flavor and generally available only from the Pinch kitchen. And it's a lovely accompaniment on the fall dessert plate (thinking about fall fruits and tarts - apples, pears, still available stone fruits - all very cinnamon friendly). Ice cream, despite its frozen state, is not often refreshing enough on a hot summer day; sorbet is preferred for that purpose. As long as it's not too sweet.

Ice creams are so season-inspired. Summertime features Mint, Peach and Strawberry as my favorite flavors. In the fall I always think about Caramel, Espresso and Cinnamon. Mid-winter I'm thinking Coconut (alongside all those tropical fruits) and Prune Armagnac, if only because I once spent a dreary Seattle winter making loads of Prune Armagnac ice cream for a French restaurant.

To be sure, summer has left the building. Cinnamon it is.


Cinnamon Ice Cream

INGREDIENTS

* 1 cup sugar
* 2 cups milk
* 2 strips orange peel (just take a veggie peeler to an orange and carefully peel JUST THE ORANGE part off the top - try not to get ANY of the white pith on the peel)
* 2 cinnamon sticks
* 1 t ground cinnamon
* 5 egg yolks
* 2 cups cream

METHOD
1. Whisk together egg yolks in a medium/large mixing bowl.

2. Set a heavy medium saucepan over moderately low heat and add milk, sugar, orange zest, cinnamon stick and ground spice. Heat until steaming but not boiling, lower heat and stir until sugar is dissolved (about 2-3 minutes). Remove from heat, cover, and let steep for 20-30 minutes.

3. Reheat the mixture to steaming. Ladle about 1/2 cup hot milk mixture into egg yolks, whisking constantly. This is called TEMPERING. Whisk a few more ladles into the eggs and keep whisking. Slowly pour the egg mixture back into the hot milk, still whisking away. Set over low heat, and cook, stirring constantly (I like to use a heat resistant spatula at this point, or an odor-free wooden spoon), until mixture thickens enough to coat back of spoon (finger drawn across spoon will leave clear path) - it should take about 5 to 6 minutes. Strain into large bowl and stir in heavy cream. Chill until cold, either in an ice bath or overnight in the refrigerator.

Note: If your heat was too high and the eggs curdled or cooked, just toss the whole thing and start over. There’s no way to save it.

4. When ready to freeze, strain the mixture once more. Process cold cream base in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions. When it's done spinning, transfer to airtight container, cover well and freeze until hard, about 3 hours.


Got more time to kill?
For a detailed analysis of the myriad reasons the Summer of 2009 was worse than you might have previously perceived, read this from yesterday's WSJ:

The Summer of Our Discontent
Town-hall brawls. Tomato blight. Woodstock nostalgia. Rain. Not hiking the Appalachian Trail. Joe Queenan says good riddance to the summer of '09.

One rockin' beverage

This is an iced version of the drink I've been enjoying all week: two shots of espresso, over ice, with an equal amount of milk. I call it the Don't-Put-Too-Much-Milk-in-My-Latte Latte*.

A friend I'll call Sally Ann Cavanaugh once shared her Starbucks Shakedown order. She has named it the Poor Man's Iced Latte, and you get one by ordering espresso shots over ice (and thereby paying only for the espresso) and then filling up with milk at the fixin's bar. It's genius, no? Or to quote my favorite VeggieTales song, "I like it. It's sneaky. And it just...might...work!"

What I like most about Sally Ann's scheme is that it gives you control over the amount of milk that infiltrates your espresso. Once the espresso hits ice it dilutes a lot - so adding too much milk just masks the shot. This is fine when the shot wasn't so great to begin with, but if you've got great espresso, you want to taste it.

But back to the ice. ICE! I don't know who's reading from where but people in Chicago are SURLY about the summer weather we had. I think it's because our winter was so long and so totally horrid that we felt entitled to a nice, long, hot summer. Summer was nice and long enough, but not so hot (the Lake is still chilly, I hear) as to thaw people out. Anyway, today it's hot enough for an iced latte (ok, two iced lattes and a doppio this morning - I didn't sleep enough last night!) - a lovely little summer sayonara.


* Bossy coffee orders are so, so played, that said...my all-time favorite comes from someone who might not even recognize it as her own: Don't Stir My Mocha. Sound familiar to any of you?