Fish Tacos in Quarentis

No fists, but two women got in a fight this morning in line at the garden center. It escalated quickly, as Ron Burgundy would say, after one super annoying lady ("the Enforcer") yelled at the lady ("the Beleaguered") ahead of me to move up and stand on her assigned square. Seems the Beleaguered had more social distance than the Enforcer thought she should have. There were, like, ten people in line but no matter what, the line wasn't moving until people left the garden center, so it didn't really matter how spread out we were, as long as we complied with the distancing thing.

There was nothing enjoyable about witnessing the obscenity-laced fracas (which eventually petered out with the Beleaguered apologizing to everyone in line for completely losing it on the Enforcer, whilst the Enforcer continued to try to bait the Beleaguered) but it was notable to see people behaving badly after so much tip toeing, niceties and polite deference. Maybe it's that I work for a company headquartered in Minnesota but lately even drivers in Chicago seem friendlier to each other, people everywhere seem to be cutting each other slack, and we've all been forced to surrender some individual freedoms for what our local elected officials have determined to be the good of the group. Do I sound conflicted about the present arrangement? To quote the Vampire Weekend's Harmony Hall song I like so much, "I don't wanna live like this. But I don't wanna die."

Anyhoo, my news feed informed me that people are cooking more seafood with a bravery I usually only summon for parties where I have friends to cook with. Feeling some shame for the pedestrian nightly meals I've been turning out, last night I picked up (and put down, and picked up again, much like when contemplating use of my hair straightener: "Should I? Do I have time? Will it come out well?) a WHOLE snapper. In a miracle of availability and perfect ripeness of supporting ingredients (butter lettuce, mangoes, avocados, corn on the cob, fresno chilis and cotija), and the last of our stash of El Milagro corn tortillas remaining unspoiled, fish tacos were a go. And while no one else wanted to touch the fish, advice was proffered, the grill was lit, and and my first born and I assembled an array of sides for an incredibly colorful and delicious dinner.

I was nervous about cooking the whole fish but there's really nothing to it but fresh lime, a splash of neutral oil, salt and pepper, and then a hearty redux of same on the platter once you pull the fish off the barbie. Want to give it a go? This amount served three (but would serve two more generously):

• 1.75 pound whole snapper - rub in and out with a bit of oil, salt, pepper and fresh lime and grill about 5-6 minutes each side (I used my stainless steel grill basket thing). When done, place on a platter with more oil, salt, pepper and fresh lime juice
• Guacamole: 2 ripe avocados, some finely chopped yellow onion, jalapeno, cilantro, salt, and lime
• Spicy Mango Salsa: 2 small yellow mangoes, finely chopped red onion, red bell pepper, jalapeno, green onion, fresh lime juice
• One head living lettuce - optional, if you like the lettuce-wrapped thing
• Freshly charred corn tortillas - I just zap them on the open flame of my range
• Shredded cabbage - tossed with fresh lime juice, salt and pepper

Serve with this, my favorite summer salad.

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Well, hello there!

It's been awhile, friends. In the past few years my career really ramped up and while I haven't been writing, I've had a fun romp as an urban farmer. Two years ago I built a chicken coop and went to the feed shop in Chicago (yes, Virginia, there's a feed shop in the city!) with the intent to come home with 3-4 chicks, depending on what they recommended given the size of my coop. Well, long story short, there was a rubber-chicken sized Pekin duck at the shop that day who had been surrendered by his family for being too aggressive with their dog. It was love at first sight for my youngest, who wore me down (I had, after all, made it well-known in the family that at some point my life had to include ducks) and so we went home with two chickens and Duck, who was charming but a total rascal. Over that summer I built a duck pond, collected eggs and devised various containment strategies for keeping the chickens in our postage-stamp city yard. In the end, a city lot isn't a great spot for birds, who needed more sun, pasture, and the company of other birds of their same feather. Duck now resides on a friend's farm in South Haven, Michigan, procreating happily. See the end of the story for a picture of his young breed.

We surrendered the chickens as well, a decision I'll never feel good about, especially if people start stockpiling eggs. As for how we're faring vis a vis the global pandemic, I am happy to report we are well in Chicago where we find ourselves mostly quarantined and provisioned, our concerns thankfully limited to ensuring our college kids retain that which is most important to them - their independence - even as they retreat home for their spring terms. As far as I can tell, that involves keeping a stocked fridge, an open door, and my own activities.

Anyhoo, in lieu of going out on the town and spring skiing and other activities that are suddenly verboten, I'm fixing to finish the teetering pile of books on my nightstand. If you're looking for recommendations, I offer The Time In Between, Being Mortal, The Overstory, The Righteous Mind, and Jocko Willink's Leadership Strategy and Tactics. Oh, and I really loved He Mele A Hilo, The Professor and the Madman (the OED's origin story) and my colleague William Cope Moyer's memoir, Broken.

On the food front, I just got a pretty good Vietnamese cookbook, though it remains to be seen if the Asian markets up on Broadway are sufficiently well-stocked for the journey down that rabbit hole. Two nights ago I made some pretty remarkable grilled lemongrass chicken but the recipe needs some refinement before I share it. Later that same night we made Maple Cream, something I'd been pretty excited about since seeing a recipe on a blog I positively looooove: The Art of Doing Stuff. The maple cream is pretty awesome, though it took forever to heat and cool and would have been murder had I not had my trusty stand mixer for the hard work of stirring. I slathered some maple cream on toast with peanut butter yesterday for breakfast. We were out of bananas, the only thing that would have made it better. 

Over the past few months I've developed my tomato basil soup recipe into something I'm quite proud of. It's a simple and quick thing, but certain steps are paramount, and like anything else, the products you use matter. I still love Muir Glen canned tomatoes and recommend those. You'll also need a box of chicken broth (I love Imagine Organic but these days almost exclusively use Whole Foods 365 brand), some fresh basil and a Vitamix. Maybe a regular blender can do it - you just have to cool the soup off before blending, and it probably won't get the soup nearly as silky as the Vitamix does. Sorry about that. If you find yourself doing a lot of blending the Vitamix will bring you a ton of joy - look for a refurbished one. Along the way of perfecting the recipe I relearned two essential facts that improved my cooking in general: 1. cook onions slowly over low-medium heat for 5-7 minutes and 2. allow the tomatoes/tomato paste to really caramelize before adding the broth or anything else.

With hope, grocers will figure out how to balance crowds and keep shelves stocked (Peapod, could your timing have been worse?!?) so we can all cook at home. If not, I'm going to have to figure out how to cook all this toilet paper. And with that, here's a pic of Duck's adorable spawn.

Be well, people!

Sons of a Duck!

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Spicy Italian Sausage and Broccoli Sauce for Pasta

I've spent the weekend planning my Thanksgiving Day and other menus for next week when we'll have family in town. Today's recipe is going to be featured one day for lunch or dinner. It's a new favorite, possibly the best new dinner I've come up with in awhile. It's not innovative - folks have been making sausage and broccoli sauces forever. But mine is a red sauce.

Here's what to love about it: it's, like, the easiest weeknight dinner that you will ever make; it's possibly the most comforting meal, ever, AND, AND, AND it's really good leftover!  One day at work I was liveblogging my lunch with an off-site coworker who either thought I had an overabundance of enthusiasm about my lunch or advanced to the nearest Whole Foods to buy the ingredients to make it for her own family.

If I bring it to work, I end up nukeing it to reheat. Otherwise, I employ my tried and true method of reheating pasta: heat 1-2 T water in saucepan or skillet, then add pasta and stir in. Cover and cook over low-medium heat for about 2-3 minutes until well heated. You need it thoroughly reheated but be careful as overcooking will turn it to mush. Taste for seasoning, adding parm, salt or pepper as needed. I had a friend in college who swore by her mom's fried spaghetti - a story that still makes me cringe.

Here's that recipe.

Pasta with Sausage and Broccoli
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
3/4 pound spicy Italian sausage*
2 cloves garlic
1 8-ounce package baby broccoli, cut into 2-inch long pieces
1 fourteen-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes
8-12 oz penne or quinoa pasta (I use quinoa pasta for this all the time)
2-4 T freshly grated Parm or Grana Padano

METHOD
Heat a saucepan over medium high heat. Add the sausage and garlic and saute for 6-8 minutes, breaking up the sausage and allowing it to brown all over. Add the entire can of tomatoes and juices to the pot, breaking up the tomatoes with your hands. Bring to a boil then turn down heat and simmer for at least 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, fill a large pot with water and 1-2 teaspoons kosher salt. Bring to a boil. Prep a large bowl of ice water.

Add broccoli and boil for 2 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the broccoli to the bowl filled with ice water. Add the pasta to the same pot of water and cook until al dente. When the pasta has about 2 minutes left to cook, drain the baby broccoli and add to the saucepan.

Drain the pasta and add to the sauce, stirring completely. Add freshly grated Grana Padano and serve.

* A note on the sausage: I've been buying the Niman Ranch bulk sausage locally at Plum Market. Whole Foods also carries it sometimes. I like both because they're of the leaner variety.

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Chili Shrimp for Any Family

Every once in awhile a new recipe catches my eye and I just know it's a keeper. This particular one from Mario Batali jumped off the page, likely because of the ingredients but also for the story behind its creation.

In Batali's place, a meal like this would be served by cooks to cooks in the wee hours of the morning, at the end of a busy dinner shift. I didn't ever experience this exactly - a pastry chef, I was routinely edged out of counter space by 4pm. But every one in awhile I would be around for the Family Meal, the meal the back of the house shares together before the dinner rush, and the end of a particularly long shift for me. "Shares together" is overstating things - we didn't actually all sit down and eat together. It more like we broke off in small groups for a short interlude. One line cook would take responsibility for preparing the family meal and it was always homey, delicious and really did feel like family time.

My only beef with Batali's recipe is that there's too much coconut milk. I love the stuff, but prefer lighter meals so I routinely use light coconut milk and much less of it than recommended.

Here's that recipe:

Chili Shrimp
Print recipe only here


Serves 4 as an appetizer

INGREDIENTS
One pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 T red curry paste
2 T fish sauce
2 T sambal
2 T sweet chili sauce
1 T sesame oil or canola oil
2 green onions, thinly sliced on the diagonal
2 T soy sauce or tamari
2 ounces light coconut milk
2-3 T cilantro, chopped

METHOD
Combine shrimp, curry paste, fish sauce, sambal and chili sauce in a medium bowl and toss to coat.

Heat skillet. Add oil tand let heat for a minute, then add shrimp and saute for 2-3 minutes. Add green onion. Cover and cook 2-3 minutes. Stir in soy sauce and coconut milk and cook another few minutes. Add cilantro and serve.

Serving suggestions:
Left to our own, we eat these with our fingers. For guests I griddle a few pieces of baguette, thinly sliced on the diagonal and lightly brushed with olive oil. Or, when served as a main dish to those who are not carb-adverse, with rice.

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Get Thee to the Picklery

I thought I was making that word up, but no, a Picklery is a real thing! And yes, by real thing I mean a small business that, in spite of all efforts to induce profitability will only rise to prominence (The Prominent Pickle! I've named my Picklery!) as an cautionary tale told to cocksure entrepreneurs: "Yes, but Great Aunt Katie also took Econ 101 and that didn't prevent her from becoming homeless following the inevitable dissolution of The Prominent Pickle."

Anyhoo, I was at the farmers market last weekend and they had gorgeous Kirby cukes so I came home, settled on a recipe from Food and Wine, doctoring it just slightly to use Apple Cider Vinegar, and made us some fine pickles. The following day I used the same recipe with haricots verts and carrots, both equally delightful. And yes, Virginia, they do need to be haricots, not your garden variety green bean. For one, les haricots fit perfectly into a pint sized jar. Two, it's like getting all long things in Tetris - they fit together snugly with, like, no wasted space.

This week I was back at the market, and spent the afternoon cleaning and trimming haricots, carrots and pickles.

Here's that recipe:

Quick Spicy Pickles
Print recipe only here

YOU WILL NEED
Stuff to pickle:
4-5 Kirby cucumbers, washed and quartered
8 oz haricots verts, cleaned (I like leaving the tails)
7 carrots, peeled, washed, quartered and trimmed to fit pint jars
1 quart sized canning jar
2 pint sized canning jars

INGREDIENTS
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup white vinegar
3 T Kosher salt
2 T white sugar
2 T coriander seeds
2 cups water
2-3 red chilis, washed and halved
7-8 garlic cloves, smashed gently
10-12 dill sprigs, rinsed and trimmed

METHOD
Combine vinegars, sugar and salt and place in sun to heat until sugar and salt dissolve.
Prep and trim all veg.
Place one red chili half into each jar. More if you really want to feel the heat.
Add 2-3 cloves garlic to the Quart jar and 1-2 cloves to each pint jar
Add coriander seeds to vinegar and stir
Pack veggies into jars
Pour vinegar over veg until covers completely
Cover and refrigerate 24 hours.

Note: the carrots take 48 hours to be good.

Keeps up to one month.

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My Kind of Bar

There are several wonderful things about Sundays. One is having time to cook a few things for the week. The other is The Good Wife, a show that ensnared me with its legalese and fantastic supporting cast. Elsbeth Tascoini! Meryl Streep's doppleganger daughter! That dude who ended up on Downton Abbey! Eli Farking Gold! They resurrected Denny from Shondaland to smile his Denny smile at Alicia and Kalinda made thigh high boots workplace appropriate. The only possible upside of the series coming to an end is that Logan Huntzberger will be have time off to visit Stars Hollow.

Anyhoo, during the week I have to be very organized in order to eat and cook well, and so Sundays usually involve a fair amount of gathering and prepping. I've been trying to eat smaller meals  - and more of them. Since I cannot possible prepare that many meals in day I wind up turning to the Kind bar 1-2 times a week to fill in as a mini meal.  I'm a big fan of the Kind bar, especially their line of 5g of sugar ones. But I had a sneaking suspicion I could create my own without too much effort. So today I did.

I used the recipe creator at Livestrong to try and get the bars to be in line with the nutrition on a standard Kind bar and got pretty close. In my sophomore effort I intend to try to boost the protein. You can add other ingredients as you like. I think pumpkin seeds would be a nice addition.

Here's that recipe:

Pinch Bar
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups Rolled Oats
3/4 cup whole raw almonds
1/4 cup raw sunflower seeds
1/4 cup unsweetened flake coconut
1/4 cup dried sour cherries, chopped
2 T bittersweet chocolate chips, chopped
4 T natural peanut butter
3 T honey

METHOD
Preheat over to 350. Line an 8-inch square baking pan with parchment paper, leaving several inches overhanging on the sides.

On one baking pan, place the almonds and toast for about 5 minutes. Remove from oven and reserve until cooled.

On a separate pan, toss the oats, coconut, and sunflower seeds for about 15 minutes. Remove from oven and cool.

In a small saucepan over low heat, stir the peanut butter and honey together until it softens and is smooth.

Roughly chop the sour cherries and chocolate chips and transfer to a medium sized mixing bowl.
Roughly chop the almonds, leaving them mostly whole. Add all dry ingredients to the mixing bowl and toss to combine. Add the peanut butter mixture and stir well to combine. Press the mixture into the prepared pan, using a glass or bottom of a measuring cup to pack it down well. Refrigerate about 15-30 minutes. Remove from fridge and cut into 16 bars. Store covered in fridge for several weeks.

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Almond Tea Cake with Almond Toffee Topping

So it happened like this: I was offered a slice of Basque Cake. I like to never turn down a dessert I've not previously tried. It was at MFK, a delightful lunch spot (I'm sure it's wonderful for dinner but I've only been for lunch), and yes, it was awesome. It was a simple cake, tho unlike others - it had this gooey thing going on in the middle, a delicate crumb and a meringue-like crunch part on the top. And it wasn't too sweet, which is something I'm always yammering about. I like to taste flavor in a dessert, and appreciate texture, and often the two are lost in an emulsion of sugar.

I wanted to make one! I haven't done much baking this year, save a batch of sour cherry doughnuts on Christmas morning. Those were awesome, but I digress. I searched though all my cookbooks and trolled a variety of websites and learned a bit about the cake, but not enough to feel confident I was going to reproduce the marvel that was MFK's. Baking may be like riding a bike in that you won't forget how but it won't necessarily be pretty. As I was heading over to friends' home and didn't want to show up with a failed experiment, I decided to go with an old standard. I added the topping just for grins, and loved it so much I'm making it again for a party tonite.

For those of you whose interest is piqued by the Basque Cake, try this from Lottie + Doof but don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you: it's not for the impatient baker. Follow the link below for my Almond Tea Cake recipe. Almond paste is sold in the baking aisle in an 8oz can or small box.

Almond Tea Cake with Almond Toffee Topping
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
8 oz almond paste
10 oz unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
5 eggs
1 t vanilla
2 cups AP flour
1 t baking powder
1/4 t salt

Topping:
3 T unsalted butter
1/4 cup light brown sugar
1/3 cup sliced almonds
1 T AP flour
1 T heavy cream

METHOD
Preheat oven to 350. Cut a piece of parchment paper to fit an 8-inch round cake pan. I use a 3-inch tall cake pan for this cake. You can also use a 9-inch by 2-inch tall pan. Spray the cake pan with baking spray or grease with butter, and fit the parchment round onto the base. Reserve.

Sift the dry ingredients together and reserve. Crack the eggs into a measuring cup (one with a spout for pouring) and add the vanilla extract.

In a stand mixer (or hand mixer) cream together the butter and almond paste for 1-2 minutes. Slowly add the sugar, creaming well over about 3-4 minutes.

Lower the mixer speed to medium and pour in one eggs at a time, mixing well between additions. Add the flour in 3 additions, mixing slowly and just barely between additions. Don't overmix! Transfer batter into prepared pan and bake for about 50-55 minutes.

After about 50 minutes of baking, prepare the topping - don't do it earlier than that because it will harden. In a small saucepan, melt the butter, add the sugar and stir to combine. Add remaining ingredients and reserve.

When the cake has about 5-10 minutes left of baking (like when the toothpick had a few tacky crumbs stuck on it), remove from the oven and carefully spoon topping over the entire surface, being careful not to disrupt the cake. Return to the oven and bake for 5-8 minutes, or until the cake is cooked thru.

Remove from oven and run a knife around edge of cake, as if you were going to release it. Let cool for about 15-20 minutes, then carefully invert onto a plate and then invert again so that the almond topping is on top. Serve and enjoy!

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Thai Celery Salad and the Importance of Fish Sauce

I've been making this Thai Celery Salad, courtesy of the good folks at Bon Appetit, for a few months now. It, as they say, is Super Good. There are just a handful of ingredients and they some together for a delightfully clean and crunchy side salad.

It's one of several menu items that contain fish sauce, a condiment I now always have on hand. In my early days experimenting with fish sauce I bought the small glass bottles produced by Thai Kitchen. Now that I use it more frequently (fish sauce also goes into my Cauliflower Curry and Pad Thai) I've graduated to larger bottles sourced in the Thai market on Broadway or in the well-stocked isles of Treasure Island. Lately I've been using Tiparos which comes in a plastic bottle, but I prefer big glass bottles, tho lately they're hard to source.

I'm going to lose some of you here with this fact: Fish sauce is anchovy. And yes, I'm a huge fan of the anchovy, but I really don't think that drives my fondness for the sauce. It's an integral flavor in Thai cooking, and one almost singlehandedly makes whatever you're preparing taste like Thai food. What I'm saying is this, if you like Thai food and are interesting in adding some Thai recipes to your repertoire - don't let being an Anchovy Hater hold you back. Here's that recipe:

INGREDIENTS
6-8 stalks celery, trimmed, washed and sliced on a diagonal 3 green onions, thinly sliced on a diagonal
1 cup cilantro, chopped
3 T canola oil
2 T lime juice, freshly squeezed
1 T fish sauce
Fresh ground pepper 1/4 cup roasted peanuts, chopped

METHOD
Chop celery, green onion and cilantro and add to a small mixing bowl. Add fish sauce, lime juice, canola oil and a few turns of pepper and mix to combine. Let sit about 15 minutes to marinate. Transfer to a serving bowl. Top with chopped peanuts and serve.

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CDC Advisory: Don't _______ that Chicken!

Mad Libs! Does anyone play it in the winter? Mad Libs reminds me of summer road trips and lying around in the cool basement being bored enough to play Mad Libs by myself. Anyway, two verbs apply to the title of this post. Try to pick them among this list:

- Mollycoddle
- Beget
- Encourage
- Kiss
- Endorse
- Befriend
- Wash
- Catfish
- Underestimate
- Reach out to

Guess yet?

The correct answers are KISS and WASH. There's been some reporting on the former in the past few months. Turns out the rise of backyard chicken coops is causing an increase in Salmonella infections. Because people who keep chickens fall in love with them and plant kisses on them, in spite of the chicken clawing to get away like six year old human trying to avoid the slobbery kiss of a geriatric relative. Even those who shy away from physical expressions of love with their pets are at risk: just having them around in your living space puts you at risk. A healthy chicken can still get you very sick - essentially, they've got germs all over their feathers, feet and beaks. Letting the chicken cross the threshold invites disaster.

As for washing, we're now talking about a bird you're ready to eat. It doesn't matter if it's a whole chicken, or a skinless boneless breast, or a pile of chicken wings and drummettes: don't wash them before cooking. Doing so merely spreads the germs you washed off the bird all over your sink, splattering counters and utensils. I've written about this before around Thanksgiving because I brine the turkey with kosher salt and it needs to be rinsed and the whole thing makes me twitchy about poisoning our guests (not twitchy enough to stop brining, tho).

Brush up on your food safety here at the USDA site. And don't Snapchat that chicken!

Referenced above:
- Backyard Chickens Linked to Salmonella Outbreaks, CDC Says 
- Risk of Human Salmonella Infections from Live Baby Poultry 
- Why Washing Raw Chicken Could Be Hazardous To Your Health

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Can Your Sweet Tooth be Retrained?

There were two big sugar events this week. First, a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough was produced. Our practice concerning cookies is ordered around the empirical truth that cookies are only good when fresh baked (further chronicled here). We make dough and roll it into logs. One log goes in the freezer and the other stays in the fridge. Individual cookies are baked off for treats on an as needed basis. That this practice also precludes overindulgence is not lost on the nutrition hawk in me.

The second event was that we took delivery on a 10-pound bag of glucose (a/k/a dextrose powder). Quick chemistry on glucose: glucose and its chubby cousin, fructose, are monosaccharides. Put together they form sucrose, yes, a disaccharide. Sucrose is what's in your sugar bowl. That batch of cookies called for 3/4 cup of white granulated sugar and another 3/4 cup of light brown sugar (1). Whether your sugar bowl contains sugar-in-the-raw, or those fancy La Perruche sugar cubes I like so much, or white granulated table sugar you assumed originated from sugar cane but is actually from beets, it's all sucrose. It's all the same chemistry.

Once ingested, enzymes break sucrose back down into fructose and glucose. Your body needs glucose, it is a source of energy needed by cells (2). Your body does not need dietary fructose - it heads straight to the liver where the excess (most of it) is turned into fat. (3) This is old news, tho it would have been helpful information for my college girlfriends and I to have understood in the mid-90s TCBY craze.

[Did we not learn anything from TCBY? Frozen yogurt is back and it's bigger than before - and now it's there's candy and you can fill your own massive bowl.]

Glucose is either used immediately for energy or stored in muscle cells or the liver (4). Unlike fructose, insulin is secreted in response to elevated concentrations of glucose. (5) If that sounds like there's a difference between what glucose and fructose do in your body, you're right: researchers at the University of California Davis reported in the Journal of Clinical Investigation that high fructose consumption puts individuals at greater risk of developing heart disease and diabetes than ingesting a similar amount of glucose. (6)

Consumers and food producers limit sugar intake by using less, or by using natural or artificial sugar substitutes. It's important to note that your body doesn't differentiate between natural sugars. It doesn't matter if it's Lucky Charms or Fruit Juice Sweetened Corn Flakes. There's no difference between the sugars in a juicy grapefruit, the honey in your tea, the tomatoes in your marinara, or the cabernet in your glass - your body metabolizes it all the same way. What does matter is the amount, and - in my understanding - the glucose/fructose ratio. That ratio is the cause of the rage against high fructose corn syrup, and the science behind debunking the myth of agave which can contain 97% fructose (manufacturing processes differ and so do fructose levels). As for artificial sweeteners - which are neither carbohydrates nor nutritive - aside from the unknown unintended consequences, my main concern is that they hype our collective sweet tooth (7). Diet sodas have very specific amount of sweetener, and if that's the amount you're used to, your sweet tooth won't be satiated with less.

What we need to do is retrain our sweet tooth and get back to more reasonable sugar consumption levels. We can start doing this by drinking more water and less juice and soda. Reduce sugar every time you cook or bake (if a recipe calls for a cup, just use 2/3 - you won't ruin anything, trust me). Finally, look at nutrition labels carefully and try, with every choice, to consume less.

This morning I added a small teaspoon of glucose to my coffee. No cloying aftertaste, it just tasted like I cut back on my sugar. On the tongue glucose tastes just like table sugar - just a watered-down version - which is exactly what it should taste like, being half sugar. The texture is similar to superfine sugar.

I will report back on my baking-with-glucose experiments. In the meanwhile, should you want to try it, glucose (sold as dextrose powder) can be sourced on Amazon.

(1) Brown sugar being simply refined white sugar to which molasses (a byproduct of the refining process) has been added back in.
(2) Glucose -  Hyperphysics.com
(3) How Bad is Fructose? - American Journal of Clinical Nutrition
(4) What is the Difference Between Sucrose, Glucose & Fructose? - SF Gate
(5) and (6) All Sugars Aren't the Same: Glucose Is Better, Study Says - TIME
(7) Added Sugars - Harvard Medical School

More interesting reading on measuring sugar density:  What is Brix? from Stag's Leap Wine Cellars

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Not Quite Winging It

I was a terrible waitress. It's due to the same reasons why I'd have made a terrible line cook: I don't work well under pressure. I like to show up early and methodically work through my list. Pastry always suited me well in that regard. Cooks in the sweet kitchen show up early and work until the line cooks gradually take over all your counter space, usually around 3pm. Jockeying for work space is an everyday battle in professional kitchens. It's common occurrence to step away from your station for a moment and return to find your neighbor has casually installed half his mise en place right up against your cutting board (cutting boards being the mark of territory on the line, and respecting a 3-inch easement around your neighbor's cutting board is just common courtesy).

I'm thinking about waitressing because earlier I called up my memory of how the cooks at Rockwell's used to make Buffalo sauce for wings. Rockwell's was a strip mall, casual dining place in the same vein as Chotchkie's, a/k/a the place where Jennifer Anniston worked in Office Space. Rockwell's produced mainstream American junk meals (wings, hamburgers, fries, salad with creamy dressing, pasta with creamy sauce, that kind of stuff). I worked there the summer after I graduated college, and thank goodness, since I am going to make chicken wings this weekend, and I want them to be as awesome as the ones they made there.

I had Buffalo wings for the first time - thankfully! - in Buffalo, NY, the city from which they originated. I was there in high school with a few friends and a teacher for a student government conference or something. All I remember from that weekend was the thrill of flying somewhere with friends, and the dive bar where Mr. Jones took us for wings. Oh, and we played Name that Tune in the rental car, and the freshman kicked everyone's butt. I remember that too.

My estimation of what makes wings so perfectly delicious is that 1) they are fried, and 2) they are subsequently slathered in butter. I didn't want to deep fry them for two reasons: 1) hello, totally unhealthy and 2) I don't have the right pan. That left broiling as the only option. This is what you do to prep the wings:

Step 1: Preheat broiler
Step 2: Cut the wings into three parts, discarding the wing tips
Step 3: Toss the wings with 1-2 tablespoons canola oil and transfer to a baking sheet
Step 4: Broil 6 min on each side, turning them midway
Step 5: Mix together The Sauce
Step 6: Toss the broiled wings in the sauce. Serve with celery and blue cheese dressing

To come up with the recipe for The Sauce, I jogged my memory of what the cooks did at Rockwell's. One of the guys showed me how he made the giant pot of sauce. It involved many, many bottles of Tabasco and Frank's Red Hot, and pounds of butter. To reproduce the recipe, I determined the ratio of the two hot sauces by the bottle size: the bottle of Tabasco is 5 ounces and the bottle of Franks's is 12 ounces. The restaurant was using industrial sized bottles, but the Frank's bottles were definitely bigger. I settled on a 2:1 ratio of Frank's to Tabasco and really like the flavor.  Here's that recipe:

Pinch Buffalo Wing Sauce
Print recipe only here

Generously sauces one dozen whole wings (24 pieces once the wings are cut)

INGREDIENTS
12 whole chicken wings (you will cut them)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons canola oil
3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon kosher salt **reduce the salt to a pinch if using salted butter**
2 tablespoons Tabasco
1/4 cup Frank's Red Hot

METHOD
Add all the ingredients to a small pot and swirl over a low to medium heat just until the butter is melted. Toss with the broiled wings once cooked through, or on top of anything you want.

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On Life, Lemons, and Limoncello

What should one expect when expecting a lemon? Do I need to find a citrus doula and book a lake view suite at Prentice?

I've had a lemon tree for four or five years, and my first fruit is highly anticipated. The tree has produced lots of flowers over the years but the little fruits were weak, jumping from the branch like lemmings when touched by even the gentlest breeze. The problem, I think, was due to general plant weakness from scale. Repotting, pruning, thorough descaling, and regular washing got rid of the scale enabled the tree to gain strength. Most people call this sort of activity gardening. I called it getting all up in a tree's business. Whatever you call it, it worked. Over the summer, its newfound confidence and strength enabled my tree to hold onto one of its fruits.  The lemon is nearly full term now, ripening from a deep green to light green, and taking its sweet time. It's going to be hard to cut into it. The tree has at least twenty flowers on it right now but I'm not expecting a bumper crop, or even a second lemon.

The saying goes, when life hands you lemons, vodka, and 151-proof grain alcohol, you make Limoncello. In possession of all three this past fall, I sought a recipe and embarked on a 16-week curing and bottling experiment. I'm told by my father that it was successful endeavor. I couldn't tell you myself because I cannot stand limoncello - too much alcohol in one place. My dad and step-mom were the inspiration and principal beneficiaries for this project. They both love limoncello and since their birthdays are in the fall and winter, they were both on my heart throughout the project.

Want to make it yourself? Here's the recipe I followed. And here's some pictures from the adventure:

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Yes, Virginia, There is a Way to Make Kettle Corn Without Burning the Sugar

I don't want to spoil any surprises, so I can't reveal much about what's coming out of the Pinch kitchen this holiday season. I haven't made too many cookies yet - just a batch of apricot Rugelach. I've had a hankering for those Coconut Macaroons and suspect those will get turned out soon. The younger bakers are trying to master Tara's 3D Christmas Tree Cookies and the French classic, Buche du Noel. We made a gorgeous buche several years ago - meringue mushrooms and all - and I don't seem to have captured a photo.

What I can tell you is that we've revamped the kettle corn recipe to make it completely fool proof and way tastier. Making kettle corn is tricky because recipes generally advise you to pop the corn in sugar and sugar likes to burn at high temps. It's difficult to keep the temp high enough to pop all the kernels and low enough to keep the sugar from caramelizing. Several years ago, while standing in line at Garrett's Popcorn, I watched as the popcorn monkey tossed plain popcorn with caramel and tucked the idea away. A few weeks ago I tried out different methods of adding the sugar to already popped corn to come up with the best result. Here it is:

New and Improved Kettle Corn
Print recipe only here

Serves 1 to 4, depending on degree of self-discipline

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup popcorn kernels
3 T canola oil
1/4 cup sugar
2 T water
1 t salt (or salt to taste)

METHOD
Set out a serving bowl and oven mitts. Measure sugar and water into a small saucepan. Warm over medium high heat, swirling until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is clear. Turn off heat and reserve.

Set a large stainless steel pot - one you have a cover for - over a medium high flame and add the canola oil. After a minute, add the popcorn kernels and cover. Once the popcorn is popping vigorously, lower heat slightly and stay close. As soon as the popcorn has finished popping, lift the cover and quickly pour the sugar syrup over the popcorn. Working quickly, replace the cover and pick up the entire pot, and shake to distribute the syrup, taking care to keep the cover in place. You could also try to stir the sugar syrup in, but I find this method tends to break up the popcorn.

Pour the coated corn into your serving bowl and add salt. Serve and enjoy!

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Why Your Pie Crust Shrunk

Thanksgiving is nigh and pie making questions have begun trickling in. I've posted before on pie crusts, focusing on the baking. Most pie crusts are baked twice. The first time, with no filling, is called Blind Baking. There's no special word for the second time. I always blind bake, even if the recipe doesn't direct it, because the crust is flakier and drier. Especially for a pumpkin pie. I just follow the recipe on the back of the Libby's can, substituting half and half for whatever nasty canned dairy product (evaporated milk, prolly) it is they call for instead.

But when your pie crust doesn't come out right, baking is just one thing that went wrong. The questions I get are always related to shrinking, though not many bakers realize it  They just know that they spent a lot of time getting the pie crust to look just right, only to bake it and have its shape morph like a drunk's face.

A few easy steps will prevent this from happening. They're all pretty much equally important. Here they are:

1. Don't overmix the dough. When you mix it (adding the butter and ice water), stop immediately when it begins to come together in the bowl. Chunks of butter chunks should be visible in your rolled pie dough. That mottled appearance promises a flaky crust.

2. Don't overhandle the dough. Heat, generated by your hands, room temperature, and by kneading and handling the dough, is the enemy of many pastry doughs.

3. Use the exact right amount of flour while rolling. This sounds like an impossible order, but don't despair - it takes practice in knowing how much flour to add, and it all depends on the natural humidity in your flour - which can vary greatly - so there's no way for me to tell you how much you will need. The general idea is that too much stickiness will cause you to stretch and pull your dough too much, overworking it, and activating the gluten. On the other hand, too much will dry out the crust and make it tougher and less flaky. Add flour sparingly while rolling, and roll gently. And don't forget to rotate your crust while rolling, flipping it over to ensure it's not sticking to the counter.

4. Once you have a nice big round of pie dough rolled out, let it sit on the counter for 5-10 min before you transfer it to the pie tin. This step allows the gluten to relax before you force it into the pie tin.

5. Lower the dough into the pie tin and firmly press the dough into corners and side edges of pie tin. You don't want to press so firmly that you leave big dents, but enough to encourage the dough to stay put. I like fluted tart shells for this reason - you just press the dough into the fluted sides and it stays put.

6. Chill, baby, chill! You MUSTMUSTMUST chill the lined pie shell for at least an hour before baking. !MUST! Chilling helps for a few reasons: it resolidifies the butter, ensuring a flaky crust, and it allows the gluten to relax. If I run out of room in the fridge, I just use the freezer. No real difference there.

7. The Weight. If you follow 1-6 but not #7 your crust will probably still shrink a little. Why? Heat from the oven will naturally relax the gluten even more. There are two ways to combat this: one by using pie weights, the other with just tin foil. For the pie weight method you will need some parchment paper and something to fill it with - I use rice, dry beans, and have heard of people using pennies, or the ceramic pie weights they sell in specialty shops. Just make sure that your parchment will be able to lift whatever you fill it with (you don't want to end up with dry rice or pennies in your pie crust if the parchment breaks during removal). Bake for about 20-25 minutes at 350, then remove the pie weights, prick the bottom all over with a form, and bake the crust for another 10 minutes. It's done when you see a smidgen of color, and no raw looking parts.

My preferred method these days is referenced here and involves simply spraying the shiny side of a large piece of tin foil with baking spray and pressing it very firmly to the pie crust and wrapping it up and over the sides of the pie tin. Bake for 20-25 minutes and you should be good to go. This method cuts baking time down a bit since there's less interference between the crust and the heat.

There it is. It's likely not going to be my final words on the subject, but maybe a few more pies will be camera ready this Thanksgiving. Good luck!

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My Thai Roast Chicken and Some Restaurant Recommendations

First things first: a shout out to a few new-to-me restaurants. The first is in spit-wad distance of the Pinch kitchen: Rickshaw Republic. It's a BYOB joint serving up Indonesian street food. I loved the Jakarta plate - an abundant compilation of roast chicken and sides, including something called Spicy Egg - basically a hard boiled egg that was then (fried? dredged?) in a sweet chili sauce. I'm looking forward to trying the Ikan Balado, a tilapia dish that sounds divine. Rickshaw's coconut rice is an important upgrade to your dinner.

The second is Slurping Turtle in River North. Chef Takashi won the James Beard award for Best Chef/Midwest in 2003 and opened his eponymous restaurant late in 2007. The restaurant Takashi, located in Bucktown, is a fine dining dinner spot, where as Slurping Turtle is a great lunch spot. The latter features bento boxes (a multi course meal served all at one in a compartmentalized lacquer box). I'm itching to go back for the housemade ramen. Takashi's food is wonderful.

The third is Big Jones in Andersonville. Wow. I was there this week, had the Gumbo (full name: Gumbo Ya-Ya - how can you not have fun eating that?!?) and tried the corn muffin, and am totally going back for the Boarding House lunch sometime soon. Either that or the Shrimp Po'boy. And the Pickle Tasting. Seriously. I can't wait to go back. The cocktail menu looked pretty much awesome, too.

Tonight we're having something I first tried a couple of months ago when my friend Caroline tipped me off to a recipe from Food & Wine - Uncle Boon's Thai Roast Chicken and sung it's praises. I don't do much in the way of whole chickens, so I tinkered with the recipe just slightly and used split chicken breasts. You can source whole coriander seeds at The Spice House or in most good grocery stores.

Here's that recipe:

Thai Roast Chicken Breasts
Print recipe only here

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS
4 split chicken breasts, with ribs
1 T coriander seeds
1 T black peppercorns
8 cups water
6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
1/3 cup turbinado sugar (Sugar in the Raw)
1/4 cup kosher salt
1/4 cup fish sauce
1/2 cup light coconut milk
2 limes, peeled (use a vegetable peeler to carefully remove just the green peel)

METHOD
Measure coriander and peppercorns into a 3 quart saucepan. Toast for 1 minute over medium flame. Remove from heat and let cool.

Add 4 cups of the water, sugar, salt, garlic, fish sauce and zest/peel from one lime and bring to a simmer. Cook until sugar and salt are dissolved. Allow to cool.  Transfer to a large baking dish and add another 4 cups of water. Let cool to room temperature.

Remove the skin from the chicken breasts and set them into the brine, tuning to coat and poking them all over with a skewer or fork to allow the brine to penetrate. Cover and refrigerate for at least 6 hours, preferably overnight.

Preheat oven to 400.

Remove chicken from brine and set on a baking sheet covered with paper towels. Pat dry.

In a blender, combine the coconut milk and remaining lime peel. Pour over chicken breasts, turning to coat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and roast, uncovered, for about 30 minutes or until they reach an internal temperature of 165.

Serve with Coconut Rice (recipe follows)

Pinched Indonesian Coconut-Scented Rice
Print recipe only here

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS
1 cup basmati or jasmine rice
1/3 cup light coconut milk
1 cup water
1 t salt
5 whole black peppercorns
3 cardamom pods
3 slices ginger
Pinch salt

METHOD
Place everything in a small covered saucepan. Bring to a boil, then lower heat to lowest setting, cover and cook for 15 minutes. Fluff with a fork and remove from heat until ready to serve, keeping covered. Taste for seasoning.

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Scrumptious Homemade Caramel Apples

I am a big fan of caramel. As a kid I had a love-hate relationship with Wrapples, the discs of caramel that are meant to be wrapped around your apple. They're really hard to get right, and the caramel is not even all that good. I loved the idea but hated how it was impossible to produce a gorgeous caramel apple with them.

Many of you have made caramel apples with those Kraft caramels. My memory of those is the labor involved in unwrapping all those little squares. And Kraft caramel is not the tastiest - nothing like a Werther's or a Sugar Daddy. Mmmm. Sugar Daddies have sweetened many a road trip. They last for miles!

This year I decided to do things the right way and I made a potful of glossy caramel for my daughter's halloween party. Well, I made it twice to get it exactly right, but it was really pretty easy. Honestly, the hardest part was the sticks. I used wooden dowels leftover from my wedding cake making days (dowels support the layers). I cut them down to size and sharpened them. You need something longer and sturdier than your average popsicle stick. Maybe a craft store sells something suitable. Anyhoo, here's that recipe:

Caramel Apples
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
10 Granny Smith apples
1 cup butter
2 cups dark brown sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
14 ounces (1 can) sweetened condensed milk
2 ½ tsp. vanilla extract
decorative toppings

METHOD
Insert wooden sticks through the tops of the apples so that the stick is about 3/4 the way in the apple. Set on a parchment lined baking sheet.

Combine the butter, sugar, corn syrup and condensed milk in sauce pan over medium high heat. Bring the mixture to a boil and cook for about 25 minutes*. Keep close by after about 20 minutes so that it doesn't start to burn. When the caramel looks dark and thick, remove the pot from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract. Allow to cool slightly. (You can also do this part in advance and pick up the dipping later in the day. When you resume for dipping, just gently reheat the caramel, adding a tablespoon of water at a time if it's too thick.)

Dip the apples into the caramel at an angle, rotating them to coat the entire apple. Lift the apple to let the caramel drip off of the bottom, scraping excess off the bottom of the apple back into the pot.

Line the apples up on a greased wax paper. If desired, decorate the apples with sprinkles, nuts, or other toppings before they dry completely. If you want to put them in candy bags you will need to let them sit and air dry for about 30-45 minutes.


* UPDATE: If you have a candy thermometer, use it and let the caramel cool until it reaches 235 or so, then remove from heat.

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Salsa You'll Want to Put on Everything

There's a simple reason why it's taken me so long to photograph my new favorite salsa: it's too delicious. It's gone before I can set up a good photo. It's a quick recipe, so it gets made while prepping dinner. By the time it's done, it hits the table. Any leftovers are often gobbled up first the the next morning atop someone's potatoes, eggs, or in a breakfast burrito. Besides, even if I were to try to get the shot before we sat down to eat, the light is all wrong. Unlike yours truly, food photographs best in the light of day.

Anyway, this recipe comes from Rick Bayless's awesome cookbook, Mexican Everyday. I had been turning out batch after grubbin' batch throughout the summer. Even though tomato season has passed, this salsa remains doable. Just take care to select some good, red, vine-ripened tomatoes, as I did this week. I allowed them to ripen a few more days on my counter, and made salsa when the tomatoes had that glorious garden-fresh tomato scent on their skins.

Last night we had Mahi Mahi Fish Tacos. Fresh salsa is an absolute must with Fish Tacos. I grilled the Mahi (which I just basted with a wee bit of canola oil, fresh lime juice, salt and pepper before grilling, and an extra shot of lime juice as a board dressing while it rested post-grilling) alongside some late season corn on the cob from Whole Foods, turning the latter into a quick Roasted Corn Salsa. Tonight's dinner will be a tough act to follow.

Here's both recipes:

Fresh Tomato Salsa
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
1 jalapeño, seeded and roughly chopped
1 clove garlic, peeled and roughly chopped
2 medium ripe tomatoes, quartered and cored
1/4 cup fresh cilantro
1 lime, halved
2 green onions, finely sliced
Salt and fresh pepper

METHOD
In Cuisinart, process or pulse jalapeño until finely chopped, scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Add garlic and process or pulse. Add tomatoes and cilantro and pulse until tomatoes are roughly chopped. Transfer to a small bowl.

Add sliced green onions. Squeeze juice from one half of the lime. Taste for seasoning to determine if you need the other half of the lime. Add salt and pepper to taste.


Roasted Corn Salsa
Print recipe only here

INGREDIENTS
2-3 ears fresh corn
1/2 jalapeño, seeded and finely chopped
1/2 small red onion, finely chopped
1/2 lime
2-3 T chopped cilantro
Salt and pepper



METHOD
Preheat grill or broiler. Shuck the corn and remove all the silk. Brush with canola oil. Grill for about 5-7 minutes, rotating halfway thru, or until the corn is browned. Remove from the grill and allow to cool to room temperature.

Prep the remaining ingredients and combine in a small bowl. When the corn has cooled, cut it from the cob and add to the bowl. Add the lime juice and stir to combine. Taste for seasoning, adding salt and pepper as desired.

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It's Baaack: The best seasonal addition to your morning coffee

Reprinted from the Pinch archives

Many a coffee purist would shudder the thought of adding eggnog to coffee, but not this one.

I've loved the eggnog latte for years, since my days frequenting Monorail Espresso in the nation's espresso capital. No Portland, not you. Portland doesn't wait for Halloween to dress up as Seattle.

The eggnog latte is probably loaded with as many calories as one of those Dunkin' Donuts muffins I've heard tale of (700 500-plus, if memory serves). I don't want those calories to end up on my tail, so I steer clear of Starbucks this time of year.

But this, this most wonderful lowfat eggnog from the good folks at Horizon, fills the void. The best way to enjoy it is to pour an inch or so into your mug and zap it up in the microwave for 10 seconds or so. Then fill your mug the rest of the way with coffee. Yum. Oh, and don't add sugar - the eggnog is pretty sweet.

2013 Update:  So, where can you buy this wondermous accoutrement? In Chicago, Horizon Eggnog is sold at most Dominick's. I got mine at the one on Fullerton & Sheffield. It seems Whole Foods and Target no longer carry it. I've been frequenting Plum Market this fall, and hope to find it there. I'm hardly ever at Dominick's, and will be even less once Mrs. Greens opens and the Dominick's on Fullerton over by Chuck E Cheese turns into a Albertson's. And I still can't believe the Jekyll and Hyde nightmare that Fox & Obel turned out to be. Wow. I've been in Chicago long enough (a scant eight years) to see some very big changes on the grocery scene.

Eggnog lovers, rejoyce! It's eggnog season!

Happy Halloween.

This post was originally published on October 31, 2008

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On the Cutting of Lettuce (and a new Caesar salad)

Opinions abound on the cutting of lettuce, both in the prep kitchen and at the dining table.  It's one of those things that people are completely sure about and often wrong. For prep, it's generally acknowledged that tearing, as apposed to cutting, lettuce is less damaging to the structure of leaf. The nerds investigators at Cooks Illustrated tested the phenomena and more or less proved what I always heard growing up: that sliced lettuce will brown on the edges (but not for several days after slicing).

Even so, my standard operating procedure when making Caesar salad is to use a serrated knife to slice Romaine hearts. I don't use one of those "lettuce" knives either - just my favorite Henkels Utility knife. We go thru lettuce quickly so browning isn't an issue. In fact, when I make Caesar I routinely use all the Romaine hearts in the bag, so there's none leftover to go brown anyway.

Then there's the issue concerning the etiquette of cutting salad with a knife at the dining table. The new Emily Post assures readers that it is, in fact, ok to cut your lettuce at the dining table. Apparently, the no-no originated along with carbon-steel knife blades that would become discolored and corrode from the acid in salad dressing. With the routine use of stainless steel and silver, knives are safe from corrosion and diners are cleared for cutting up lettuce. This clearance is acknowledged in such few circles that I can hardly advocate it. I don't want to be blamed when your bossy aunt pulls you aside for a primer on table etiquette when she catches you cutting your salad.
Cutting salad is usually avoidable, anyway. Except in the case of the new Caesar I've been making since this summer. I've been making Kristine's Caesar dressing since she taught it to me ten years ago. This summer I came across a recipe in The Art of Simple Food and decided to shake things up. This new recipe - nearly identical to the original - is a lot like what Mary used to make at Cafe Nola. I've been drizzling it onto long, thin, delicate Romaine hearts, along with croutons and ribbons of Parmesan. Those long, thin Romaine hearts are beautiful on the plate. And they can basically be cut with the side of your fork since the spines are so crunchy. But I'm spreading the word about the acceptability of taking a knife to lettuce at the dining table.

Here's that recipe:

Cafe Caesar for Romaine Hearts
Print recipe only here

Serves 4

INGREDIENTS
2 cloves garlic
2-3 anchovy fillets
1 T red wine vinegar
1 T lemon juice
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil, best quality
Fresh ground pepper

METHOD
Peel the garlic and and pound in a mortar and pestle, mashing it up. Add the anchovy fillets and continue to mash into a paste.

Measure the lemon juice and vinegar into a small measuring cup. Add the garlic/anchovy mash and whisk with a fork to combine. Slowly whisk in the olive oil. Add salt and pepper to taste.

SERVING
Stack individual Romaine leaves on large plates. Drizzle some dressing on top. Using a vegetable peeler, peel long ribbons of Parmesan or Grana Padano off a large block. Serve with croutons, if desired.

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On Death and Lobster

There's a spectrum of emotional response to the how-and-when circumstances of a person's death. At one end, there's sad-but-peaceful acceptance of what many would see as a favorable death - i.e. age 82, while sleeping. At the opposite end of the spectrum is sorrow-induced rage caused by what most would agree as an untimely or unfair death - i.e. age 24, choking on food/brain tumor/auto accident.

We also care about the planned death of the animals we eat (putrid, nasty slaughterhouse at one end, state-of-the-art, clean slaughterhouse at the other?). The Humane Slaughter Act, first signed in 1958 by Dwight Eisenhower, requires requires meatpackers to anesthetize or stun livestock prior to killing, except in the case of kosher slaughter. Animals are meant to be rendered insensible to pain prior to killing so that they won't suffer. Interestingly, the Act doesn't protect poultry, fish, or rabbits, a fact not lost on proponents of animal rights. It doesn't protect lobsters, either, an omission which fuels the debate on the best way to kill them.

People who cook lobster fall into one of two categories: stabbers or boilers. Professional cooks are mostly stabbers, but I think that might speak more to a predisposition for using knives than concern for animal welfare. Stabbers like to say that their way is more humane, taking the position that swiftly stabbing the lobster in the back of the head is faster and more painless than death by boiling water. Most home cooks self-report as boilers.* A rarely-acknowledged third category includes rubes who accidentally kill their lobsters before cooking them. No one I know advocates drowning lobsters as a means of killing them. But then again, up until this summer, I wouldn't have guessed it was possible to drown an animal that LIVES IN THE OCEAN.

Ever since he published the recipe in June 2012, I've been wanting to make Mark Bittman's Singapore Chili Lobster. Since co-council was required for an undertaking of this magnitude, I enlisted help from a friend. The sauce really is the heart of this dish, and the saucier's cooking skills and palate matter tremendously. I can't take any credit for the sauce - Ari took care of that on his own. What I can take credit for is the procurement of four live lobsters, being brave enough to handle them, and being gauche enough to drown them.

What happened is that after allowing the live lobsters some time to frolic on our patio (which they declined to do, either because they knew what was coming and weren't going to give us the satisfaction, or because they were scared of the dog), I thought they looked a little sad and dry. We consulted the internet which said we could make them a seawater bath, and since I had a container of sea salt and a beverage tub, I thought: Groovy! We can make a lobster pool! I made the pool and explained the situation to the lobsters as I set them into it. The lobsters seemed to be enjoying themselves - they become a lot more active in the water than they were on the patio. But after about five-ten minutes, there was no more splashing around. I picked one up to see how he was doing and he was totally limp.

Horrified, I called Dirk's. Now, my husband and I are in disagreement about how often Dirk gets this call. My bet is that he gets it several times a summer. I'm going to call him sometime and ask. Anyway, Dirk said lobsters drown in freshwater, and city water plus sea salt does not equal sea water. [The official answer sounded like this: Something something salty blood osmosis toxic drowning.] Dirk said all that happy moving around they were doing in the lobster pool was actually their death throes. Whoops. He also said to just boil them immediately and they'd be fine, and they were. Whew!

I still feel so badly about it mainly because, and I hate that I'm saying this, but the lobsters totally knew what was up. That's what I took the time to explain it to them, that the pool was going to be fun. They knew otherwise. Next time I cook lobsters, I'm going to have to stab them, or secure co-council who will.


* This raises the possibility of validity problems in my survey, as respondents may have lied or exaggerated about their behavior in order to appear more humane, or under-report the severity or frequency of lobster-killing behavior in order to minimize their problems. In short, the author acknowledges the possibility that respondents claiming to be boilers may actually be stabbers.

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